Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
