Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
