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this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Life is so much better after having sex.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize