don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
