You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
