Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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