We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
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