I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
It's blow job season.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
