dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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