You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I am spending my child support on dildos
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
