i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Randomize
