Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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