Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Randomize
