I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
