your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
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