I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
