Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
