So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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