You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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