I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
My legs feel like baby dolphins
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
