I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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