just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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