He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
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