i think my tv is drunk
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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