And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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