I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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