i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
