The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
