i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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