She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
