If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I just gargled with NyQuil
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
