I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
