I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Randomize
