I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
