so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Randomize
