Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
