it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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