Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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