umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
