I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
