you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
