He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
