You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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