every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I want to fling myself into the sun
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
