I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
