I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
