just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
