A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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