I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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