so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Walk of Shame today included voting.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
