She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
