this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
