Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
