i jhust puked up my retainher.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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