Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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