You're my little dorito
i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
