this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
