why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
