I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
