with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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