Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
