Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
