I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize