If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Vodka?
Forever.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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