You kept trying to hail an ambulance
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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