i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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