the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Randomize
