Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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