I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Randomize
