Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize