I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
You need Xanax blowdarts
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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