So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
They are going to name an STD after you.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
