Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
