think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I accidentally burped into my bong.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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