Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
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