i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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