I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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