chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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