Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
