Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Randomize
